This is kinda gonna be a bit of a mess if I'm honest, I haven't really planned much past the point of "I'm gonna write a thing". I don't expect them to read this, (but if they do, rad as heck and they will also understand what was going on with me at the gigs) I'm writing this to get it out more than anything. I'm not usually the guy who goes full fangirl and gets emotional over bands, but Patent Pending are one of the few exceptions to this rule and they're certainly the only exception that have made me cry quite as much as they have. If you know the band you probably think I'm crazy for saying that (and if you don't you should defiantly listen to them, they're great.) they're a super upbeat pop punk band whose whole aesthetic is about having fun and being yourself. Although they do have one song that gets me pretty badly. Also I should add a trigger warning for suicide. It gets kinda heavy.
This whole thing started in Leeds last year when I saw them supporting Zebrahead, my boyfriend loves both bands and he's spent most of our relationship getting me into Patent Pending so it was a win for us both when they announced the tour. I was pretty down anyway after losing my friend to cancer a few days before hand so I was crying when they came on. Not long after I'd calmed down they started introducing a song I hadn't listened to before, One Less Heart To Break, a song about suicide and how it's not the way out. As I listened to Joe talk about the song I burst into tears again and as I listened to the lyrics of the song I couldn't stop myself. I related so much to that song. This was about 3 months after my first suicide attempt which was the worst time of my life, and it brought back so many memories of that. The rest of their set was amazing and I ended up having a pretty great night despite everything.
Now fast forward to the beginning of this month (April) my boyfriend once again asks me if I want to see patent pending, I of course say yes and we decide to do Leeds and Manchester (he did a few more but I had other gigs and work so I couldn't). So I start listening to them a bit more to get myself super hyped and One less heart to break comes on, once again I find myself in tears over how much I relate to it. Then Monday before the gigs I had a huge breakdown which resulted in my second suicide attempt. I know I shouldn't have done it but at the time I couldn't see any other way to make all of my problems go away. I won't go into too much h detail though, I don't want this to be too sad.
I was feeling a lot better by the time the first gig (Leeds) came around and by the time the band came on I was super excited. The whole concert was amazing and we had somehow made our way to about 3 rows from the front. Then, as always, as Joe started introducing One less heart to break I found myself bursting into tears again. The whole way through the song I cried my eyes out while trying to sing along, during his speech in the middle of the song Joe pointed it me, obviously noticing I was crying, which made me realise just how much of a connection I had with this band, they get me. I managed to stop crying not long into the next song and really enjoyed the rest of the gig despite being covered in a mix of my own sweat and tears.
The rest of the week went by in a pretty quick blur of work and telling people how great (and sweaty) the gigs was, and soon it was time for round two in Manchester. I'd had a sore throat all day and a few people had asked if I was sure I still wanted to go to the gig, but I wasn't going to pass on the opportunity to see a band I connected with so well. We once again started stood at the back of the venue but between the mosh pits and us just generally jumping a lot we eventually made it to the barrier. This time however they had decided to do their song Spin Me Around (which is a bonus track from their album, Brighter so I wasn't expecting them to do it) I had listened to it quite a bit but up until that moment I hadn't really felt a major connection with it. That was until I started thinking, with my boyfriends arms around me I just started crying thinking about how lucky I was to have found such an amazingly supportive person after having so many toxic, abusive relationships and being raped by the only person I had trusted before now. A few songs later Joe goes into his speech about suicide prevention and right on queue the water works start. A few people give me weird looks but I wasn't embarrassed, this was my song. I felt such a connection with the girl who's story is told in the first verse (even down to the fact that I live in a small town just north of the city) that I didn't care what other people thought about me crying my eyes out at a punk gig. Half way through the song Joe jumped down from the stage to walk along the barrier, as he had done through most of the songs to get people to sing into the mic, and he spots me. I'm crying so much at this point that I can't even sing, but he pulls me closer to him and puts his forehead to mine as he sings, as if to tell me it's all going to be okay. It was the best moment I've ever had at a gig. The person in front of me however was very jealous and spent the rest of the gig making sure his head was directly in front of mine any time Joe came anywhere near us. The second to last song of the gig was Brighter, a song about how everything is going to get better. I have a pretty big connection with this song too but it had never made me cry, until that night. Although I didn't cry quite as much as I had with the other two songs there were still tears trickling down my face as I screamed out the chorus.
Once the band had left the stage the boyfriend and I went to get merch as it was the last date we were going to. When we got to the merch table Joe was stood behind it, getting selfies and selling shirts. We walked over to his side and as soon as he saw me he asked me if I was okay and shook my hand. I just stuttered out a yes as I'm not the best at talking to people. Then we had a pretty hilarious conversation about where I got my shirt from and we left. Me still shaking due to how much I'd cried.
So I guess guys if you're reading this. Thank you. The moments I've spoken about here are truly life changing. You saved my life. Whenever I think I don't deserve to be alive I think of Joe putting his forehead against mine, you are my hero man. Thank you so much for making amazing music that makes me happy to be alive, thank you for such an amazing time at your gigs, heck thank you for making me cry! I promise you, I promise you all, I'll never go away, I won't give you one less heart to break.
Thank you so much for reading.
I'm not gonna be that guy who begs you to send this to the band, but I would be super rad if anyone does. Them reading this would mean the world to me.
And totally check out Patent Pending if you haven't already, I promise it's worth it. I mean they have a song called NSFW (.) (.) which is literally 3 minutes of them singing about sending nudes, how great is that!
