Quarter Year Review

It's March and that means we're already a quarter of the way through the year. Isn't that crazy! A quarter of the year has gone by so quick. So this month I have decided to write a little quarter year review, revisiting my New Years resolutions and talking about the changes from last year to now. Enjoy!

I wouldn't say a lot has really changed since my year review but a few things have. I've made new friends, we regularly add new people into the group chat so there is always opportunity to make new friends. I have also rekindled the friendships I lost last year which was lovely as I really missed having those people in my life. I have also booked tickets for Slam Dunk this year to see Panic! At the Disco which should be super fun! I am also going to see Melanie Martinez in London which will be the furthest I've ever traveled for a concert! I have also been to see my doctor this month about my mental health and he has prescribed me some medication to try and help me.

As for New Years resolutions I would say I've got started on quite a few of them, although of course there are ones I've done more than others and ones I haven't started at all.

My first resolution was to look after myself more. I feel like I am slowly beginning to achieve this. I have started regularly eating breakfast and brushing my teeth both morning and night. My self care is slowly improving. I am also going to join the gym soon to try and get fit and feel better about myself.

Another of my resolutions was to attend as many Lolita meets as I can. So for I have managed to attend one and I had a wonderful time! Wearing Lolita out of the house is always a little daunting at first but doing it with friends was absolutely lovely. I haven't been able to attend any more due to having other commitments that require time off work but I will try to get to at least one more this year.

I have also made progress on my resolution to meet my friends! We had a lovely little meet up in Manchester, there were only about 5 of us but I had so much fun hanging out with them all. We also went to a concert (Vukovi) together which was lovely although this time it was only 4 of it but it was super fun! We're planning to meet up once a month although it's difficult since a lot of people's schedules clash.

I love this picture of us from Vukovi.

As for writing a blog post each month, so far so good!

So that's my year so far. Nothing major really but I hope to continue to make it a great one and to carry on improving myself as the year goes on. Thank you for reading!

First Lolita Meets

I attended my first Lolita meet in January and I had tons of fun! We walked around Leeds, took coordinate pictures, and played games in the library. We had a quiz and played a game where we picked 3 pieces of paper with words on and we had to draw a print using those words, for example "duck, present, rainbow" would be a print with ducks, presents and rainbows! The meet was great and I hope to attend another one soon.

So to celebrate this I have decided to write a short post giving some tips on attending a meet up!

Firstly, I defiantly suggest planning your outfit in advance. I started planning my coordinate during the week before the meet as it was on a Saturday. I had two outfits planned as I received a new dress a few days before the meet up. A lot of people buy new outfits especially for meet ups, but sometimes they don't come in time so it's always best to have a backup.

Another good tip is to talk to the people going to the meet so that you know them before you go. I also found someone who lived close to me so we could get the train together. This made it a lot less nerve wracking. The more you know about the people before hand the more you'll have to talk about at the meet. Some good things to talk to people about are; their favourite brands, their dream dresses, hobbies other than Lolita, school, the list goes on and I'm sure you'll find tons to talk about!

Always make sure you're on time to the meet as they may need to leave the meeting place at a specified time as they have reservations at wherever you are going. You should try and get there a few minutes before the time, as others will probably be doing this too. But don't worry if you're the first, you can always message someone and see what time they will arrive!

My final tip is to have fun! This may sound cringy and cliche and also kind of like something your mother would say but honeslty it's the best advice I feel I can give. You shouldn't worry about what others think, about passers by, or if your outfit isn't good enough. You're there to see friends, play games, have fun! Take tons of photos, selfies alone, with friends, pictures of others, anything you want to remember the day by.

I hope this has helped at least a little for any new Lolitas attending their first meet. I am by far not a professional and I don't claim to be, I'm just giving my input and hoping to help!

Thanks for reading!

New Years resolutions

I have made a few resolutions this year. Some relating to me and my mental/physical health, some to Lolita fashion and some general ones. Here's a list of what I want to do and how I plan to do it.

1. Look after myself

This means a lot of things to me. Looking after my body by getting fit, plus my doctor said that going to the gym, or even just jogging is a good way to get rid of extra anxious energy so that's another good reason. I'm also going to try and improve my diet, both for my health and to help me go places with people.

This also means looking after my skin by making use of all of the lovely products I received for Christmas and actually getting a good routine going for myself. I may even try wearing makeup more often as it makes me more confident.

2. Wear Lolita more often

This is quite a difficult one to manage as at the moment I don't really go many places and my wardrobe is quite small, but I plan on wearing Lolita at every opportunity I get, even if it's just on a shopping trip with my boyfriend.

3. Go to more Lolita meets

This is a difficult one due to my job (I work Saturdays) but I plan on going to more meets with my comm. I hope to go every other month if I can!

4. Meet my internet friends

I haven't met around 80% of the people I'm friends with so my goal this year is to meet some of them! I shouldn't really refer to them as "internet friends" because they are just my friends! I just haven't hung out with a lot of them. Some will be easier than others as they live closer but I hope to meet them anyway and go on cute friend dates!

5. Be more organised

I plan to organise things a bit better so I'm not left panicking at the last minute like I have been recently. This includes work, friends, outfits and concerts.

6. Write a blog post each month

This was the original plan for the blog, and now I hope to make it a reality! Even if it's just a short post about a meet I went to or review of a shop I ordered from, I hope to write at least one post a month. So far so good!

I also have some slightly smaller, less life effecting goals I would like to achieve this year, which aren't such a big priority, although it would be nice. These are all pretty self explanatory so I won't bother explaining them.

1. Get a new job

2. Start a YouTube channel

3. Read more

4. Watch more movies

2015

2015 has been a very eventful year for me, so I'm writing this post to look back on the ups and downs. I'm not gonna go into major amounts of detail, it's just going to be a brief look back.

Friendships:

I started this year with a reasonable amount of friends, although I can't say I'm really leaving it with them. (I'm not going to name any names, obviously.)

One of the girls I was pretty close with started talking behind my back and let me down on something I really needed her to be able to go to, although I'm no longer majorly upset with her about this I still haven't had the courage to talk to her to ask if we can make up.

The other girl left after I had a panic attack before meeting up with her so I had to cancel. I have however spoken to her, she says she didn't think I was making the effort. I agree completely, I let my mental illness get in the way. But right now I don't feel like I can be the best friend I could be to her so I don't feel like I can make up with her right now, but maybe some day.

It's not all bad though, I joined an "unofficial" group chat for a band I like called Area 11 and I feel like I've made a lot of really good friends through that, although I've only met a few of them in real life I hope to hang out with them more in the next year.

Events:

My love for concerts got even bigger this year. I discovered tons of new bands and went to see a lot of old ones. One of my favourite bands to see live, Blitz Kids, split and played a really long gig as a lovely send off. Another few of my favourites were Twenty One Pilots, Fall Out Boy and Bleachers.

As well as these gigs I also went to Whitby Goth Weekend for Halloween with my boyfriend. This is a 3 day convention/market type thing with concerts on the Friday and Saturday night. The fearless vampire killers were one of the bands who played on the Friday (who all dressed as Jim Carey which was hilarious) and were really good. We discovered a band called Vince Ripper and the Rodent Show on the Saturday who we thought were really weird and hilarious! Whitby is also a really beautiful lovely place, on the Sunday we walked up to the church and Abbey which was beautiful!

I also attended 2 conventions this year! Manchester MCM comic con for my birthday and Yorkshire cosplay con. I cosplayed Link from the Legend Of Zelda at both, which was really fun! I spent too much money at MCM and met some of the lovely people from the Area11 group chat. At cosplay con I got to meet some of the girls from my local Lolita community and the lovely youtubers Fetsu and Jack. Both events were great fun and I hope to go back next year either in cosplay or Lolita.

Love:

I guess this is also something I started 2015 with, just not as good as I have it now. At the end of 2014 we decided to "pre-commit" meaning we were exclusive and pretty much in a relationship, but not 100% because there were so many factors against us. We started being allowed to meet (him coming to me) in April, just after I got my apprenticeship. We tried to see each other every Sunday as it was the only day I had free. After I quit my apprenticeship I was allowed to go and see him. We went into Liverpool, he took me to build a bear and we made one that looked like him and named it after him. He then took me down to the docks, he told me about how silly he felt that he wasn't in a proper relationship with me. So he asked if I wanted to be his girlfriend "for realsies". We locked a lock which he engraved with our initials (using the key) on the fence by the river. He had bought the build a bear so we would have a certificate to remind us of the date we got together. Since then we've done tons of great things like a spontaneous trip to London, playing video games for hours and trying to beat each other at Mario kart, our holiday to Whitby, and even spending Christmas together. Our relationship has progressed so much and I hope it continues into 2016 and even further.

Mental health:

My mental health hasn't been great this year. I've had a lot of panic attacks and just generally a bad time with depression. Although I feel like I'm getting a little bit better, I hope 2016 is easier on me. The Christmas period was especially hard on me, but that was expected as I was spending a lot of time with my boyfriend's family who I don't know extremely well, but it did get better.

So in conclusion, my year wasn't all that bad but I hope for 2016 to be even better!

Panic attack

Last night I had a huge panic attack.

It all started when my boyfriend posted a status on Facebook mentioning that he wanted to "hang himself". He always gets frustrated with me when I say suicidal things, telling me not to "joke" about suicide, so I knew this was a joke but it still worried me. He didn't reply to any of the texts I sent him or answer his phone. I was worrying like crazy and crying on and off. It also triggered memories of when my abuser would say he was going to kill himself every time he found out I was talking to someone else.

He eventually replied and said he was too busy to talk which triggered the panic attack to start, probably because I get ignored a lot and he's the only person who I know cares 100%. I couldn't breathe properly, I was crying and shaking.

Eventually my boyfriend called me and tried to calm me down. "Calm down. Shhhhh. Everything is fine. I love you" He kept saying. He was trying to get my to go and get my mother but I didn't want her to freak out too so I just stayed where I was, trying to calm down and just focus on his voice. The first thing I managed to say to him once I calmed down was "I love you"

Having a long distance relationship isn't easy but he still manages to do his job.